Wednesday, December 07, 2005

God Rest Ye Merry Torturers, A Children’s Story.

’Twas the night before Christmas, and all was still through the house. Not a creature was stirring, except those American prison guards with sharp knives…Gather around the campfire, boys and girls, Uncle Alva has a story to tell.

It’s all about a man named Benyam Mohammed. Wouldn’t you like to hear Mister Mohammed’s story, children? I’m sure he would certainly like to tell you all about it.

Mister Mohammed is a 26 year man from a place called London, England, who has spent the last two and a half years in prison as a “ghost detainee,” after being arrested three years ago in a very scary place called Pakistan.

The people who arrested him, who are called “US intelligence officials”, said Mohammed was a mean, mean man, who wanted to set off an al-Qaeda “dirty bomb” in a US city. How did these US intelligence officials came to such a conclusion? Gather around, boys and girls, for Mister Mohammed has quite a story to tell.

“They cut off my clothes with some kind of doctor’s scalpel. I was naked. I tried to put on a brave face.” Unfortunately children, for Mister Mohammed, he needed more than a brave face. “One took my penis in his hand and began to make cuts. He did it once, and they stood still for maybe a minute, watching my reaction. I was in agony. They must have done this 20 to 30 times, in maybe two hours. There was blood all over.”

But don’t worry, children. Mister Mohammed’s story of Christmas carnage was far from over: “They cut all over my private parts. One of them said it would be better just to cut it off, as I would only breed terrorists. I asked for a doctor.”

Benyam Mohammed spent the next 18 months in Morocco suffering. He would get the scalpel treatment, be given some time to heal, and then it would be back to the slicing and dicing. Doesn’t that sound like fun, boys and girls?

“There were even worse things. Too horrible to remember, let alone talk about. About once a week or even once every two weeks I would be taken for interrogation, where they would tell me what to say. They said if you say this story as we read it, you will just go to court as a witness and all this torture will stop. I eventually repeated what was read out to me.”

After this, all became quite throughout the house again. Days passed and nothing happened. But then late one night, on the rooftop, you could hear a clicky-click! And coming down that great big chimney, was old Saint Nick! With him, was Dasher and Dancer, Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid, Donner and Blizen! But who could forget, but three mean-looking men wearing black masks!

“Then three men came in…It seemed to go on for hours. I was in so much pain I’d fall to my knees. They’d pull me back up and hit me again. They’d kick me in my thighs as I got up. I vomited within the first few punches…After that, there was to be no more first-class treatment. No bathroom. No food for a while.”

I guess we sure know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice, don’t we, children? “For 18 months, there was not one night when I could sleep well. Sometimes I would go 48 hours without sleep…They continued with two or three interrogations a month. They weren’t really interrogations, more like training me what to say…I suffered the razor treatment about once a month for the remaining time I was in Morocco, even after I’d agreed to confess to whatever they wanted to hear. It became like a routine. They’d come in, tie me up, spend maybe an hour doing it…Then they’d tip some kind of liquid on me - the burning was like grasping a hot coal. The cutting, that was one kind of pain. The burning, that was another.”

And the lesson we have all learned children, from this story? As one US interrogator told Benyam Mohammed, “We’re going to change your brain.”

Then on Monday, children, our very own Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice said, “The United States does not permit, tolerate, or condone torture under any circumstances…The U.S. does not transport and has not transported detainees from one country to another for the purpose of being tortured. The United States does not use the airspace or the airports of any country for the purpose of transporting a detainee to a country where he or she will be tortured.”

And Mister Mohammed I’m sure would agree with Condi, children. Make 30 long deep slits into a man’s penis for two hours, and he’ll say whatever you want him to.

Until next time boys and girls, remember that freedom isn’t free, and two plus two equals five.


Blogger MiamiMiami said...

Alva you have mail!

Thanks for this propaganda! It's been hard lately trying to inspire my fellow "jihadists" to continue their "fight". Allah knows that I am merely using them, those silly dupes! But you know when I have a "jihadist" down and out because he wants to vote or to leave Iraq and go back to his family in Iran or Syria I read him your posts and the things that your great Democratic Party is saying. You can't imagine how this gets them back into the mood of killing as many of our fellow Arabs! Sure we will take out a few soldiers but that's not the case. Alva, you are a great man and I know that whenever you come over to the Holy Land of Iraq and when we cut your head off for being an infidel, I know you won't hold it personal. You really understand us.

So Thanks again and please keep up the good work.

Allah Akbar!
Your friend

8:50 AM  
Blogger Alva Goldbook said...

Fellow Human Being,
On behalf of the United States, I would like to apologize to you personally for what my nation has done to you and your people.

Unfortunately, five years ago the United States suffered a coup, and we now have a Hitler-like madman running the world's only superpower, and he has chosen to fight a "Christian" Holy War against your people, and to control Muslim Holy Lands in order to enrich his oil business friends.

I can only hope, that when this President is impeached in 2007, that it will bring you some peace and justice to your lives that my nation has so utterly destroyed.

Despite what you may otherwise believe, the American People distain blowing children to bits with high explosives as much as you do. We are fighting here at home too, you see, to bring back Democracy and self-determination to our great nation, as I know you are fighting to bring the same to your own country.

As I realize that you are not a Christian, and may very well abhor the religion, I know that Jesus is with you, and remember his prophetic words:

"Those who are last shall be first, and those who are first, shall be LAST."

Peace be with you, my friend, and I can only hope that the last three years of horrors brought to you via the US taxpayers, will soon be brought to a close.

11:59 AM  
Blogger MiamiMiami said...

Dear fellow Jihadist Alva,
I am so glad to hear such supportive words for our cause. It's so nice to know that there are Americans that believe in our cause to behead innocent civilians. It's even nicer to know that should we ever have the opportunity to behead you as well that you would be so understanding.
You see most people like to refer to us as "terrorists". This hurts our feelings as we, that includes you, all understand that Americans need to be killed and anyone who is desiring freedom and liberty needs to be killed as well. We see that you too understand this and are thankful that you are such a willing accomplice to help us with any useful propaganda that you can provide.

I was wondering when you will apply to our "Jihadists with Explosive Vests" program that we are trying to implement in your country. I think that since you have invested so much in America's defeat that you would be willing to take the next step with us, brother in arms.

Please consider it as we have increased the reward from 72 to 73 Black-eyed virgins! We will even post your "explosive" effort on our next video "Islam Gone Wild."

Take care fellow Jihadist

Allah Akbar!

Your future executioner, Abu!

P.S. By the way, can you please take the heat off of us and get one of your Democrats elected. We kind of miss the days of blowing things up with impunity.

3:16 PM  
Blogger MiamiMiami said...

From: AbuZ@i love
To: JihadistAlva

I bring a message of joy to all Muslims and mujahideen that al Qaeda, thanks to God, is spreading and expanding and strengthening, Al Qaeda for holy war is still, thanks to God, a base for jihad (holy war). Its prince Sheikh Osama bin Laden, may God protect him, is still leading its jihad,

Yours truly,

P.S. That crazy Jew Lieberman is starting to rub me the wrong way!

4:29 PM  
Blogger Alva Goldbook said...

Fellow Human Being,
Thank you for your kind words. It gives me much pleasure to say that I, and now the VAST MAJORITY of this country are supportive for your cause of democracy and self-determination. You have our pledge, that we as good Christians believe we must continue to fight our current fascist administration, which is so dedicated to the beheading of innocent Iraqi children with high-powered explosives. I hope that your battle for liberty is soon won, and we can stand united together as brothers in peace, with a new Iraq that is ONCE AGAIN peaceful, united, and free.

Sixty-four years ago another fascist who sought to control the entire globe, Adolf Hitler, threatened the world with his militaristic ambitions. Unfortunately, at the time, a few Republican nay-sayers didn’t see the point in fighting this fascist scourge that had overcome Europe. The result was that 64 years ago to this day, fascists blew up Pearl Harbor. With the new fascist threat, today occupying the White House, those very same Republicans again refuse to stand up against him and for democracy.

The lesson, my friend, is that you cannot appease a fascist. You must fight until victory is had, and I am very pleased to see yourself so dedicated to peace and freedom for your own nation, as I am of mine. God willing, I hope that our battle for democracy is won, and preserved for all time.

P.S. The American People have had quite enough of these DLC Democrats like Lieberman and Hillary Clinton. Already, there are two prominent progressive Democrats who seek to win the party nomination for Clinton’s New York Senate seat in 2006. Lieberman, too, will be forced to deal with progressive challenges in his re-election bid for 2006, and all of them will be outted as the closet Republicans they are.

6:06 PM  
Blogger MiamiMiami said...

Dear Alva,
I am so pleased that you along with your other friends in the Democratic party have been so successful in helping us get the message about our cause to eliminate your country. It's so hard to get people to understand why we cut heads off of people. It's also so hard to get people to understand that we must kill them unless they believe in our cause. I hope that when we finally reach your neck with our Holy sword that you will still feel the way you do now.

Yes I remember reading about how the evil Americans defeated Hitler. I also remember reading about how those filthy Europeans have gained so much since then and I agree that they should pay for having lived so well in the last 40 years! How dare they enjoy the freedom to live without the mighty hands of Allah on them. What were they thinking trying to prevent that from happening. Gladly they too understand us and have been quick to give us safe haven in countries like France. Those French hate Kews as much as you and I do! Those evil Jews!

But I am so concerned now...

Before we could count on support from your fellow Democrats like Clinton and Lieberman and I am seeing that they are starting to spread a message that is not good for us (you and me that is). I am afraid that if they start spreading that message that the will of your Democratic voters will not see the righteousness in our IED's and suicide bombs. After all if we can't take out some of those Iraqi voters this week our cause might be doomed.

I am hopeful that, Allah willing, we will someday beat your President Bush and establish an Islamic state in your own backyard. Hopefully by then we will be able to occupy your land and make you a willing servant of our cause. by the way, you keep forgetting to mention your vest size for our "Isalm Gone Wild" video.

Oh one more thing. Please DO NOT convert to Islam. It will make it worse for us to kill you if you converted. By keeping your Judeo-Christian values we can most certainly eliminate you the way you should be.

Allah Akbar!
Yours truly,
Abu and "the gang"

P.S. P{lease do something about that president of yours because we are starting to see winds of change here that is making it harder for us to kill. Also try to see if you can get one of your Democrat friends to become the King of Jordan, I am afraid that they are not happy with us either and having another Clinton or Kerry there would sure make it easier on us. Thanks again.

7:23 AM  

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