Sunday, November 06, 2005

20 Things To Do Before You Die...If You're A Nutcase

  1. Superglue a friend's hands to their hair and put itching powder in their pants.
  2. Steal a valuable painting and take a piss on it in a public alley.
  3. Go to a Mexican donkey show and root for the donkey.
  4. Cast a ballot for somebody that’s actually worth voting for.
  5. Superglue the locks on the doors of a big box store.
  6. Go hunting and aim for anything wearing orange.
  7. Throw a rock through the window of a cable news building and see if they report it.
  8. Buy an old used computer and take it to a football field at night and set it on fire.
  9. Shave all the hair off your body, using honey instead of shaving cream.
  10. Rent a cabin in the middle of the woods and smoke 5 kilos of marijuana.
  11. Get completely shit-faced in a bar and puke on a transvestite.
  12. Walk up to a complete stranger and tell them they have nice tits, even if it’s a guy.
  13. Make a model of the Statue of Liberty with your own feces, and throw it at a politician.
  14. Make a pipe bomb and leave it in a car in a crowded market the day after Thanksgiving.
  15. Masturbate to completion twenty times in one day.
  16. Steal a walker from an elderly person and demand that they tap dance.
  17. Have sex with someone you used to have a crush on back when they were still alive.
  18. Wrap a Barbie doll in barbed wire and give it to a small child as a gift.
  19. Strap a toilet to the roof of your car and put a large American flag in it.
  20. Offer dental floss to a shark with rabies.


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