Bush Admits The Impossible: He Screwed Up.

On Tuesday, President Bush for only the second time in his 5 year presidency, did something right. He admitted that “the federal government didn’t fully do its job right” and said what almost no one on the left ever imagined he’d ever say: “I take responsibility.”

I couldn’t believe my hears, eyes, and the rest of my senses. Could this be happening? Was Bush really admitting that he screwed up?

When I heard the news I thought maybe someone had dropped some acid into my chocolate soy milk. Maybe I was beginning to enjoy a ride to Disneyland and the stuff was just kicking in. I pondered if I should rush to my computer and look up the latest AP wire or if I should pop in a few Pink Floyd records and turn on the black light.

I figured I shouldn’t get my hopes up and give Floyd a pass until I checked the news online. I scrambled to my computer and started greasing my Google. And there it was: “Bush Takes Responsibility for Blunders” right there on the ABC News website.

“Oh my God”, I said. “Maybe this guy wasn’t so bad after all.” A bit in shock, I also recalled that just a few days ago this administration did something else right too - they recalled FEMA Director Mike Brown back to Washington, who just days later turned in his resignation, and put Thad Allen in charge of the Katrina clean up. I was sure Allen could get the job done better since he was an experienced Coast Guard admiral, and who better to head up the relief effort? I know if I was stuck in a city where everyone was drowning, I’d want the Coast Guard looking out for me. I mean, their job is to keep people from drowning in the first place!

Then it hit me. Maybe the Bush administration had finally turned the corner. Maybe President Bush and the rest of the neocons saw the horror of New Orleans and collectively had a sudden epiphany. Maybe they suddenly realized that at their helm their extremist right wing ideology was destroying everything America was founded upon, including the lives of everyday American citizens. That when playing these stakes the cost wasn’t whether or not a few of their friends could keep more of their tax dollars, but the cost of the lives of thousands of Americans being abandoned and left to drown.

Finally it was over. The horror of neo-fascism that had left the United States a shell of the country it once was, and the most hated nation on the planet had ended. Finally, the president could admit that he had been led astray like a lamb, but finally he had seen the light.

He could finally admit that it was wrong to snap and shout at his underlings, because if they were afraid to give him bad news then he could not act to fix it. He could finally admit that it was wrong to dismantle FEMA by eviscerating its leadership and replacing them with his own political clown hacks. But that wasn’t all.

He could admit it was wrong to have his spinmeisters attack a grieving mother just because she was critical of him. He could instead meet with her and let her ask, “What noble cause did my son die for?” He could humbly say that there was no noble cause, and in his tears he could beg her to forgive him for destroying her family. He could admit that it was wrong to use force to steal Iraq’s oil and to win “political capital” to get his agenda passed. He could admit it was wrong to put a single one of our soldiers in harm’s way for his ill-conceived messianic vision of the world, and that he would bring them home just as quickly as planes could fly. He could admit that even though Saddam was a brutal killer, that at least he didn’t make Iraq an Islamist nation where women would be forced into burkas. He could admit that it was wrong to kill 100,000 or more Iraqis in a fire storm of bombs and death. He could admit that he was wrong that Saddam didn’t have any weapons of mass destruction to begin with, and that it was wrong to open an Office of Special Plans to manipulate intelligence. He could admit that it was wrong to sack General Shenseki for telling Congress the truth that it would require thousands more troops to secure Iraq for the peace. He could admit that it was wrong to out Joe Wilson’s wife Valerie Plame, bringing down an entire CIA operation designed to catch leading terrorists like Osama bin Laden, just to get retribution against him for telling the truth about the forged Niger documents that proved that Saddam couldn’t have gotten yellowcake uranium to produce a nuclear weapon within a year. He could admit that it was wrong to torture innocent people in Abu Gharib and Guantanamo Bay, keeping them cages like rapid dogs. He could admit that it was wrong to put American citizens in “free speech zones” when they were simply trying to peacefully assemble to petition their government for a redress of grievances. He could admit that it was wrong to manipulate, rig, and steal three elections, based on fear mongering, lies, or outright criminal conduct. He could admit that he did nothing to prevent the attacks of 9/11, despite that he got over 50 warnings telling him that Osama bin Laden was determined to attack the United States. He could admit all this, and so much more, and stand humbled before us with tears in his eyes, as we all gave him a much deserved standing ovation…

And as the Floyd record came to a stop and the drugs wore off reality came rushing back. True, Bush was admitting he had screwed up, but this only after the Karl Rove spin machine couldn’t place the entire blame on the local officials. Perhaps Rove figured out that if Bush could say “I take responsibility” for not “fully do[ing] [his] job right,” that it was the only way for him to avoid any consequences.

Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Bush has seen the error of his ways. But if so, he should be willing to accept those consequences like Michael Brown did, and turn in his resignation.