The Federal Government Discovers That Touching Genitals Leads To Pregnancy.

A new Congressional report has found that federally funded abstinence-only sexual education programs have been teaching children that having an abortion can lead to suicide, or sterility, that 50% of homosexual male teens in the US have AIDS, and that touching a person’s genitals can lead to pregnancy. Anti-abortion religious nutcases insist that their information is based on sound medical science. No word yet on if the Earth is round or flat.